Deep Conversations

In my last post, I promised to talk about deep conversations, but ended up describing a brainstorming session.

Brainstorming is a great tool and can lead to new ideas. It's one of many tools (God bless the Memory Jogger) that help groups work together.

To have a deep conversation with your members, you must really be present in the meeting. Rather than being preoccupied by your own opinions on the topic, your hopes for the outcome, your prior experiences with this person or group, you need to be open to what is happening in the moment.

If you can, stop the pattern of your thoughts, your comments on what you hear. Instead, be curious about what you hear. Why did they ask that? Why is that important to them? Listen and investigate. Treat everything as very interesting. For most suggestions, the best response is normally a question: how would that help you? Why is that so important? How would the project be impacted if we didn't do that?

The key is listening. Letting go our own desires for a moment and focusing on theirs. More than just active listening, which includes techniques such as acknowledging and paraphrasing, this is more of an state of mind. We drop our own opinions and listen without judgment. We consider everything we hear interesting, even the obnoxious comments, if we are unlucky enough to have one or more such members present. Strong input indicates strong feelings and that's interesting. Why do they feel so strongly?

It is almost physical. Find the tightness inside your chest that is your holding onto your own opinions and your own view of life. Let it go. Soften inside, become vulnerable and open.

Then you can be focused on others.

This is not easy to do, though experienced facilitators are pretty good at it. As a first step, when you find yourself defending a certain point or stance, when you find yourself debating with a member what they said instead of asking questions about it, then drop those defenses. Remain open for the new idea, and ask a question that helps explore the topic raised.

If you must present your own or the association's viewpoint, present it as another aspect of the issue, without being defensive or vested in thew viewpoint. It's another interesting factor. How does that impact the discussion? How might it impact the decision?

When your members feel listened to, when your conversations with your members go deep into their experiences and their needs, then you probably are getting to the heart of the matter and you are probably understanding your market.