How to Transform Super Crappy Days Into Gold RIGHT NOW

Rejection. Bad days. Mean comments. Haters.

They are never any fun, but they are especially trying during times of crisis.

Whether you are going through personal issues at home or just trying to navigate the world during a global pandemic when little shitty things happen, like a hateful comment on social media or a needless criticism from someone who feels they are in a place to judge, it can hurt more than usual.

Instead of being able to “shake it off” ala Taylor Swift, it can feel like a pile on.

Always one for the melodramatic, I hate to admit how often the story of Job in the Bible would come to me. A victim. A martyr. The injustice of it all! 

(By the way, this updated look at the Book of Job based on a new translation can provide some delightful new nuances to all of this.)

As the mother of a 12-year-old girl, I am also hyper-aware of how I handle these irritations to the ego and heart in life. I am an example, the best one she has right now, and so the pressure is on to figure this out. Less overreaction and more healthy processing…a system for shittiness.

I am definitely not a pro at this. I am also much, much better at it than I used to be. 

Here is the process I use when the crappy comment/conversation/attitude/action reaches me at a time when I feel like I’m already in a vulnerable place. This process isn’t perfect, but it gets me to a better state of mind and it seems to take less time now that I am employing it more regularly.

The Process in Action

If you are like me, it can help to see examples and, Lord, how I wish I didn’t have any to share. However, let me share one that stung a little harder and a little deeper than others and maybe it will help you to apply this process in your own life (or at least commiserate with another human who is reminded of their flaws on a fairly regular basis)!

“It Happened to Me”

Background: 

I have a Patreon website that allows people to sign up for a one-time or monthly subscription to help support Association Chat and in return, they get access to special gift items or occasional patron-only events. 

Each month the patrons are charged and people can choose to stop supporting the Chat at any time. When they do, they are offered a chance to select from multiple reasons why they’ve decided to end their patronage. This is what people do 99% of the time. 

They also have a chance to write something in addition to their selected reason why they are leaving. This can be helpful, but it can also hurt (as you might imagine). 

Here’s an incident of when someone chose to leave a comment in that space from last year. 

It was a simple message that hit me hard and hurt intensely. 

You know how it goes…sometimes our emotions are so powerful, they cloud our reasoning mind and they can make small things much bigger than they are. 

And here is how I worked through all of the negativity I felt…

From Hateful to Happy

Shitty Thing: 

Someone doesn’t appreciate the thing you have devoted much of your life and resources to and feels the need to tell you.

Why It’s Shitty: 

Because when someone doesn’t value the things you put your heart and soul into, it hurts because it feels like you aren’t good enough.

Why It’s Especially Shitty: 

In this instance, the comment came with a withdrawal of $3-a-month support on my Patreon page for the work I do with Association Chat. 

In essence, for weekly live interviews with powerfully smart people both within and outside of the industry (*cough – bestselling authors who have written landmark books taught in universities – cough*), a chance to communicate with folks in the industry, and a website full of new articles, it wasn’t helping someone with their work in the association industry. 

$3. $36 a year. And still deemed not worth it for that person.

Ouch.

My gut reaction:

No one will ever understand and maybe it’s not good enough anyway. Would it matter if I just stopped doing this? Would anyone care? Does anything that I’m doing with Association Chat matter?

Why I’m Thankful for This (and How Not To Let Shittiness Ruin Your Day):

You know what shit is good for? Compost. Know what compost is good for? Growing healthy and more vibrant plants. 

It’s important to me to remember that there is always room to grow and the adversity that is thrown my way has only made me stronger this far. It will continue to do so. In my heart of hearts, I believe that when people say or do shitty things to me, it’s so I can learn from it and grow. I actually visualize negativity sent my way and see it feeding me and making me stronger internally. I know…it sounds weird, right? But it totally helps.

Also! This comment made me ask myself if there wasn’t more I could or should do to tie in more association leaders into the podcast and community…or if maybe there weren’t better avenues for that already that would provide better support to this person. 

I decided that I had a good mix and that I didn’t want to necessarily change it because there were already so many other places to see and hear those people, but there wasn’t always a chance to have people like my guests from outside the industry to provide insights on their work and expertise through a unique lens for association professionals.

I also decided that I wanted to be more deliberate about calling out attention to association leadership topics or interviews so that people who value Association Chat for that kind of thing would notice when they were available.

This shitty thing helped me better define what Association Chat is and is not! That’s awesome!

Look, life isn’t all happiness and rainbows.

It isn’t supposed to be. But with a little practice and some healthy boundary setting, you can help turn your day around or at least get better at figuring out exactly why something is bothering you and then dealing with those feelings directly.

No one needs another martyr or victim. Leaders are much harder to find. And it takes strength and fortitude to be a good leader. With practice, even those of us with an excess of sensitivity can become more resilient and, ideally, show others how to become stronger and more positive, too. 

 

____

Inspiration:

When you first rise in the morning tell yourself: I will encounter busybodies, ingrates, egomaniacs, liars, the jealous, and cranks. They are all stricken with these afflictions because they don’t know the difference between good and evil. Because I have understood the beauty of good and the ugliness of evil, I know that these wrong-doers are still akin to me … and that none can do me harm, or implicate me in ugliness—nor can I be angry at my relatives or hate them. For we are made for cooperation.” —Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 2.1