Leadership Relationship Challenges in a Virtual Environment 

When close proximity isn’t possible, relationships of any kind can get dicey. 

“Distance makes the heart grow fonder” is what we say when we try to make people feel better about the pain of separation. It’s also how we remind ourselves of how we can romanticize a person when we aren’t around them all the time. Our nearness allows us to bear witness to daily human imperfections.

What we are really saying is that distance makes things fuzzy. 

Clarity is often lost with distance. And so we have to become diligent devotees of clarity, identifying how and when we can create more distinction in the way we communicate with others when we are at a distance.

Now, not to sound like an alarmist, but communication is already hard. I probably don’t have to make you dig too deeply in your memory banks to remember a time when poor communication led to misunderstanding. Either with someone at work or someone at home. As humans who communicate from the moment we are able, it is surprisingly easy to fail at communicating effectively with the people around us. 

So are we doomed, then?

No. But we are aware that in order to bolster our relationships put under the additional pressure of engaging at a distance, we must go out of our way to seek clarity both in understanding what others are communicating to us and in what we are attempting to communicate to others. 

Leaders who must work together toward a common mission must especially work at this in order to affect greater progress and to avoid the drama of communication misfires.

Here are Three Common Communication Mishaps and How to Avoid Them (The Executive Leadership Edition):

1. The Big Easy – Named for the laid back town of New Orleans, this communication gaffe happens when, in an effort to be easy-going, the leader fails to ask for greater clarity around some ideas, terms, or details that are too generic or are lacking critical pieces of information that would allow for better understanding. Everything seems pleasant enough and typically the leader imagines that it will all turn out okay. Inevitably, the original doubts and questions bubble up – a surprise to the other leader who thought everything was running smooth and without any issues – and an abrupt and awkward moment arrives when an exasperated exec dumps an accumulation of concerns and complaints on the other leader who was thinking everything was fine. Anger and blame erupt from both sides and suddenly The Big Easy is anything but. 

   Solution: Remember to seek clarity all along the way. When in doubt, spell it out…as in asking questions with a goal for understanding from the perspective of both parties so that the communication helps strengthen the partnership element of the relationship. 

2. The Hiding in Plain Sight – This communication pain is named for the leader who isn’t quite sure what they are responsible for doing versus anyone else, but they don’t want to alarm anyone that they don’t know what they are supposed to be doing so they quietly wait to see what they end up being told they are supposed to do. At some point, after enough time has passed, frustration at not knowing their role and guilt at feeling like they could be of more service rise to the forefront, and the words, “I feel like I could be doing more,” (or something like that) escape their lips. This is especially frustrating for the other leader who might be struggling to get traction on the ideas and agreements they make for moving toward a goal together. 

   Solution: Ensure that each party knows what they are responsible for and be clear at the start of how that is determined. What role does each person play and what are their responsibilities? 

3. The Accuser and the Accused – This communication issue reflects the common challenge of a lack of trust. When leaders haven’t had a chance to get to know each other well, understanding their likes and dislikes, communication styles, and exploring the way they make decisions; trust is difficult to establish. 

   Solution: Identify ways to encourage getting to know the other leaders better and strive to share stories that demonstrate how you make decisions on big things as well as small things. How can leaders working together make it a point to regularly get to know each other better? 

These three challenges are only a few examples of the issues with communication you might run into when working with others from a distance. But if you understand that communication will potentially have more barriers than normal, you have the advantage of preparing for ways to address them. 

What additional challenges have you come across and how did you solve them?