Death of a Road Warrior

A gift from my father

When I graduated from high school, my father bought me a suitcase.

He was excited about it, I could tell. He told me about how he’d received one when he graduated from high school and how much it had meant to him.

I was less excited. I’d wanted cash.

Later, I came to understand why the gift had meant so much to him. The suitcase represented new opportunities, adventure, and an escape from what everyone else was doing in rural southwest Missouri.

Of course, he’d later go to Vietnam, following his graduation, and see more adventure and travel than he’d anticipated or wanted. But still, all these years later, he was standing there in front of me beaming about giving me what he thought was the perfect graduation present.

I didn’t like the gift of the suitcase at all. What good was a suitcase when I had no money to go anywhere? I was scared to death of never having a reason to use that suitcase and as I stood there, I wanted to cry.

I wish I’d understood better what the gift meant to him so I could have appreciated it more at the time. But, knowing me, I probably mumbled an insincere “thank you” when he gave it to me and then rolled my eyes about it later.

The suitcase he gave me didn’t hold up that well and I later replaced it with a small black Samsonite that could be wheeled sideways down a small aircraft aisle.

But I kind of love that my father saw that I was a traveler. Even before I’d really been anywhere much.

Travel meant “success” – whatever that was

In my first association job (working for the Parenteral Drug Association in Bethesda, Maryland), I was responsible for member engagement and helping to form new chapters. As part of the job, I traveled to visit existing chapters and meet with their leaders.

Each time I ventured to the airport for another journey, I imagined myself on a path to success. I’d wear uncomfortable high heels and a business suit to click – click – click down the hard airport hallways. I’d dream of a new reality for myself. Today I was traveling economy, but tomorrow it would be first-class international where all the airline lounge staff at major hubs would know me on sight.

That was what I pictured success to mean.

Occasionally, I’d run into people I knew while traveling through airports and I felt like a true road warrior. People I’d gone to school with, other speakers, or people in the association industry…one time I was actually recognized by someone I’d never met – a person who followed me and Association Chat on social media – and I felt for a few seconds what it must be like to be a celebrity. That moment was a fun one.

As my career progressed and I moved on to consulting and professional speaking, I traveled more and more. And I would discuss which airlines offered what benefits with their loyalty programs.

I took business calls from airport lounges, occasionally posting pictures to social media from the lounge as a sort of humblebrag. Obnoxious, I know, but thankfully, I moved past that. (It was probably because I lost my lounge access a little while back when the airline loyalty program I have the most status on, changed its rules. But I like to think it was because I matured.)

When I couldn’t wait around in the airport lounge, Pulp’s “Common People” played in my head as I sat with all the other plebeians next to the gate. I assumed the posture that it made me slightly more “rock n’ roll.” I’d been on the other side, after all, and was now “slumming it” without free snacks. How hardcore!

For a long time, if a month went by without business travel, I started to feel like I was doing something wrong. Travel came to represent success. Even while my heart was aching from missing out on family events, this was all for them, too, right? I told myself it was and just kept going.

Enter COVID-19

At the beginning of 2020, I had already received quite a few paid speaking engagements for the year and my calendar was filling up. There was a sense of excitement and dread.

Over the years the business travel had become more burdensome than fun. I love to travel, but I wanted to share it with the people I love most. Not strangers at Gate 8A.

Still, business travel on the books meant money coming in and that was looking good. Along with my existing consulting clients – and potentially additional engagements coming in with my new collaboration with Tecker International – I had more speaking engagements booked for 2020 than usual for the first quarter. It was shaping up to be a profitable year. Maybe even the most profitable year I’d had yet.

When news of a strange virus in China hit discussion on Twitter and in reports from international news agencies, I began to think about what would happen if all the travel on my calendar ceased to be.

Contemplating the future of business travel from McCarran Airport on February 18, 2020.

What if all my business travel – and the related business that went with it – stopped?

This is not the kind of question anyone who runs their own business wants to consider. Not being salaried, I have no guarantees. Not that a salaried person does, either, but there are certain benefits to having a more predictable income.

My last work trip was on February 18th. I had four planned for March that never happened.

In fact, the last day I was actually out of my house for any period of time was March 12th. That was the day COVID-19 was officially declared a pandemic by the World Health Organization. Sixty-seven days later and I can tell you that my suitcases have never been so useless.

The work I thought of as “back burner” and “small stuff” became my sustenance. The financial growth that had been projected for 2020 appeared to practically disappear. The new projects and collaborations in motion were all paused, slowed, or being reassigned in priority. And my suitcase remained empty.

And yet, there was hope, too. Signs of new possibilities.

What if stillness, not a suitcase, leads to new opportunity?

While I was forced to stay in one place for a while, something interesting began to happen. New connections, opportunities, and professional relationships began to appear.

Maybe, just maybe, I didn’t need to be a road warrior to be successful.

People reached out to see if I’d work with them on new projects connected to Association Chat. New sponsorships and advertisers signed on. Opportunities to speak and present to new virtual audiences presented themselves. At first, they were all unpaid, but then some paid speaking for virtual summits landed on my lap. The chance to learn, teach, and connect in new ways began to show a new pathway for the year and it wasn’t a bad one!

While it is still too soon to claim success in 2020 (my revenue is still below what it should be for this point in the year), I’ve discovered that staying home has equaled immense savings I never realized. Dry cleaning and all the additional travel-related expenses (that aren’t actual travel) are just the tip of the iceberg. My goal to have dinner with my family at least once a week in 2020 has become laughable as every dinner is spent together.

I’m beginning to ask myself what happens if/when things get busier on the business travel front. I’m questioning if I am doing enough of the work that I want to do – the work that I am best at – and what it means if the answer is “no.”

What I know for sure is that I don’t need to constantly be on the move to do important things, to create change, or to become a better version of myself. I don’t need to be a road warrior to show that I have significance in business or in life.

But I still love the promise of a good suitcase.

Even though I’m embracing the ability to be closer to my garden and my family, this morning on the treadmill, I looked over at the suitcases lined along the basement wall and felt a tug. There was a little pull, that feeling of possible adventure and future journeys yet to be had, a feeling that was familiar yet different.

Yes, I still love the idea of seeing new places, but my lust for travel as a symbol of success is dead.

Instead, that original spark of excitement for exploring new cities and hearing new stories is in its place and I don’t know what that means for me as our nations continue to fight this mysterious virus. It might mean my suitcases become dust collectors and I become an armchair traveler. Or it might mean a reason to buy a new suitcase for my next trip whenever that day comes.

I think I’ll buy a bright red suitcase, as a matter of fact. One that matches my lipstick. One that symbolizes luck, vitality, and spirit.

And one that will be easier to spot on the baggage claim carousel.

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