The Real Reason Members Lean Out

Erika sat at her desk with a mug of steaming coffee and popped her email open. Since she joined the association three weeks ago, she’d been scanning the daily digests that chronicled activity in the online forum. Sometimes the topics were interesting, and occasionally, an idea caught her eye that she could use immediately. Today was one of those days. She was just about to make her first entry. A quick thank you to the commenters for their thoughts and a note about how she would modify the idea for use in her organization when she glanced at the title of the thread below it.

Another member had asked the group a question Erika thought was relevant. Eager to read the answer, she plunged into the first response. The words were startling in their bluntness, and Erika reread them, wondering if she had misinterpreted. Nope, she was right. The response felt abrupt, dismissive, and condescending. Erika noticed those hot feelings of shame even though she hadn’t even asked the question.

She deleted the few words she had typed and exited the community without leaving a reply.

It is difficult to articulate when things ‘feel off,’ so members rarely share why they don’t participate, stop contributing, or leave our community altogether. When feelings of being unsafe whisper in their brains, they may shrug their shoulders and think, “I guess this community is not for people like me. That’s too bad.” The community is likely for people precisely like them, but they’ve gotten a cue that it is unsafe.

Feelings of safety are one of the foundations for engagement. Our brains are highly attuned to picking up on signals that indicate whether it is safe to join in, share, and ultimately let our guard down and belong. Without intention, groups may default to behaviors that unintentionally exclude other members.

There are many ways to let new, current, and prospective members know that this professional community is safe. Here are a few.

Connect Early

Warm welcomes are the first impressions that signal safety to new members and first-time attendees. Early greetings, even something as quick and straightforward as a genuine smile, can demonstrate how friendly the community is before members start to wonder. You may call or email new members using a very warm tone. Welcome attendees with big smiles and chit-chat, whether in-person or online. Perhaps make a special effort with first-time attendees by welcoming them by name and, if time allows, introduce them to a long-time member.

Model Behaviors

Often members are looking for signs about how the group behaves, which means we, as leaders, can nudge the group’s norms by modeling the behaviors we want to see. Think of all the actions we can demonstrate that can help members feel a sense of safety – approachability, warmness, friendliness, openness, generosity, and intent listening are just some. What would you add to your list? Start demonstrating one or two of these behaviors at your next event, and you might see colleagues start to model their behavior after you.

Address Loneliness

Often members tell me they are the only ones like them in their office, department, or organization. Many professionals are lonely, and loneliness coupled with feelings of being undervalued can leave professionals feeling discouraged and frustrated – perhaps they may even leave the profession or industry in search of a more welcoming environment. Associations can be the antidote for some of the loneliness that pervades the world of work, especially when we make addressing loneliness a goal. I’ve heard chapters making time to swap stories, so members realize many others have had similar experiences. Alliances intentionally form for members who are the most overlooked and underrepresented. Event hosts notice how difficult it is to start relationships while networking, so they look for more ways to cultivate lasting relationships.

These are just some ways to make our communities safer to share, participate, contribute, and volunteer. It may be worth starting a conversation with leaders to identify the common places where feelings of safety might be jeopardized in your association. Knowing where the problem is can help you reverse-engineer a solution.

This article first appeared in the marvelous Associations Evolve 2023 & Beyond Journal.