Growing Up and Growing Old

One person I knew used to say that growing old was mandatory, growing up was optional. But what he missed is that the key to happiness lies in which part of our youth we keep with us.

For many of us, we keep our teenage years with us. We spend much of our teenage years defining ourselves - the music we like, the clothes we choose, the friends we hang out with. More deeply, we form opinions about what sort of person we are - cheerful, thoughtful, optimistic, serious, happy-go-lucky. Unfortunately we've often mistaken in those opinions. Many of our young adult characteristics are actually the perfection of the coping strategies we started to develop as kids. They are the polish on how we try to fit in with groups, to belong, to get attention and approval.

And having put on this persona, this ego, we carry it with us. We keep defining ourselves and our world in terms of what we want, what we like, what we dislike, who we are, without realizing that these are not fixed things about us, they are as fleeting and ephemeral as the wind. We have fixed opinions about what 'should' be done, when in fact there are no ultimate rules in this life, only actions and consequences. We judge ourselves and others according to these inner constructs, causing pain for ourselves and them when we don't live up to them. And the more of these inner strictures we add, the greater the burden we carry.

In particular we decide what we need in life to make us happy - a partner, children, house, great job, money, car, friends, a winning football team. But as we grow older, we find that we can have all those things and still be unhappy.

Life is ever changing. Not one thing is fixed, things come and things go. And rather than trying to mold life into the way we want it to be, our happiness depends on accepting life as it is and enjoying the stream of odd and fascinating things that it produces.

Now I come to realize that the youth I want to keep with me is the pure awareness of a little child. I will be very lucky if I can do that.